


In which two male leads have a somewhat questionably flirtatious encounter wherein one protagonist expresses insecurity, the other attempts something reminiscent of comfort and  - [title was too long]

by temperementalAltruist



Series: Meteorlogs [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comfort?, M/M, Metaphors, Meteorstuck, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 10:17:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17506694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temperementalAltruist/pseuds/temperementalAltruist
Summary: TG: just like, what if i got the wrong aspect you know?--Karkat and Dave talk about aspects and bending ass backwards, but only after a bunch of wisecracks.





	In which two male leads have a somewhat questionably flirtatious encounter wherein one protagonist expresses insecurity, the other attempts something reminiscent of comfort and  - [title was too long]

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the ending, title and summary before I wrote the beginning of the story so yeah... this ended up getting kind of out of hand as I tried to connect the start and finish. 
> 
> Writing Karkat is freaking HARD!! For vocab reasons. I mean maybe I didn't write him that well at all. Or Dave for that matter.
> 
> I really love these two so I hope I did them justice.

\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  began pestering carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  at 20:10 --

TG: yo karkles whatcha doin   
CG: I ***WAS*** TRYING TO SLEEP BUT I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO PESTER ME INCESSANTLY WHETHER OR NOT I RESPOND TO YOUR CALAMITOUS ATTEMPT AT A CONVERSATION WHICH SOON DEVOLVES INTO YOU TALKING YOURSELF INTO A TABLE, LIKE A SAD EXHIBIT OF A CESSPOOL EATING UP MILES OF STEAMING SEWAGE.   
CG: PERHAPS IF I ENTERTAIN YOUR PITIFUL CHATTER FOR A WHILE I WILL NOT HAVE TO WAKE UP TO BLOCKS OF HIDEOUS RED TEXT ASSAULTING MY POOR, TIRED EYES.   
CG: SO WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT.   
TG: oh well if you wanna sleep ill just annoy someone else   
CG: OH NO.  
CG: I'M WARMED UP NOW.   
CG: I'VE COMPLETED ALL MY STRETCHES AND EXERCISES AND CONSUMED A BALANCED BREAKFAST.   
CG: FOR SEVERAL PERIGREES I HAVE RACKED MY THINKPAN TO CONCEIVE AND GIVE BIRTH TO THE PERFECT ROUTINE.  
CG: AND NOW, AFTER PAINSTAKINGLY DEVOTING MY VERY ***BEING*** TO THIS INUNDATING TASK, I AM OFFICIALLY READY TO THROW YOUR BULLSHIT BACK IN YOUR FACE.  
CG: DON'T LEAVE ME AT YOUR EARTH-ALTER.   
CG: FACE ME LIKE A MAN YOU YELLOW-BELLIED COWARD.  
TG: im not sure how to get into dissecting that beautiful metaphor   
TG: im like a historian tryin to figure out just when culture went so wrong  
TG: hmm, i think the shouty guy was attempting to convey the intricacy of a marriage between a chicken and a gymnast  
TG: surely not, for they were certainly recounting the speech of the oppressed yellow-bellied gliders that served as the beginning of the revolution. a truly valuable primary source   
TG: really it could go either way   
CG: AH YES I NEVER GROW TIRED OF OUR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE GAME OF SWAPPING BROKEN METAPHORS AND STILTED SARCASM   
CG: WHOOPS, THERE GOES THAT DARN SARCASM AGAIN!  
CG: SWEET MERCY TAKE ME NOW BEFORE WE ARE INUNDATED BY THE SASS!  
TG: wow you really are tired  
TG: i dont think ive ever witnessed you using the same word twice so soon after first using it   
TG: its finally happened  
TG: i didnt think it was possible but sometimes shit gets flipped turnways and buses get acquainted with your uvula  
TG: thousands whispered the day would come   
TG: for eons it was foretold  
TG: the death of a distinctive dictionary  
TG: an angry crab with candy for horns would lose his grip on his matchless vocabulary  
TG: what am i going to tell the children   
CG: THE ONLY THING IM LOSING MY GRIP ON IS MY SANITY.   
CG: IT’S BEEN BEATEN SENSLESS BY YOUR SHITTY HUMOUR AND TIRELESS WITTICISMS.   
TG: dear lord karkats back at it again   
TG: being generally pissed off and hilariously cranky   
TG: but this time hes this close to falling off the precipice hes been toeing round so dangerously   
TG: welp there he goes  
TG: larrys freakin out  
TG: whats the protocol he asks  
TG: fuck if i know  
TG: code grey some nerd mutters behind me   
TG: suddenly its like a panic button has been flipped  
TG: bitches be throwing tables and slamming tiaras at door knobs in a desperate attempt to free themselves  
TG: larry gets thrown through a windshield  
TG: whyd you have to do this karkat  
TG: why did you jump of the fucking cliff   
CG: YOU FUCKING PUSHED ME!   
TG: this is not a drill remain fucking calm   
TG: we all knew this day would come we just didnt know it would be so soon  
TG: we haven't practiced for this event enough   
TG: thats how far off we thought it was  
TG: poor jimmy doesnt even know what code grey is   
TG: hes only been on for a few weeks  
TG: poor son of a bitch doesnt know whats in store for him   
CG: OK I’VE HAD ENOUGH.  
CG: WAS THERE AN ACTUAL OBJECTIVE WHEN YOU DECIDED TO BOTHER ME OTHER THAN THE SICK DELIGHT YOU GET FROM PULLING MY WALKSTUMP?   
CG: DON’T MAKE ME BLOCK YOU DAVE.   
TG: see if i care  
CG: OK, I GUESS I WILL JUST DO IT THEN.   
CG: FAREWELL DAVE, YOU COLOSSAL SACK OF FESTERING SHIT.   
TG: ok no wait   
CG: I’M WAITING DAVE BUT I’M NOT READING ANY GOOD REASONS TO KEEP MY ATTENTION FOCUSED ON YOU.   
TG: hows being bored for a reason?  
CG: DAVE WE’VE BEEN SPEAKING FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR.  
CG: I SWEAR ON EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR GET TO THE FUCKING *POINT* OR ILL MARCH OVER THERE AND SLAP YOU UNTIL THE SWEET RELEASE OF EITHER DEATH OR QUESTIONABLE UNCONSCIOUSNESS GETS YOU TO SHUT IT.   
TG: so youre swearing on romcoms then  
CG: THE.   
CG: ***FUCKING***  
CG: POINT!  
TG: ok so i was thinking  
CG: ?!  
CG: YOU’RE CAPABLE OF THAT?  
CG: MY MIND IS BLOWN.  
CG: I AM GENUINELY BOGGLED.   
CG: I’VE BEEN GODDAMNED HORNSWOGGLED.  
CG: ALL THIS TIME I BELIEVED YOU WERE SOME KIND OF PRETERNATURAL GELATINOUS SPECIES, MIRACULOUSLY ABLE TO SURVIVE DESPITE LACKING THE PRESCENCE OF A THINKPAN, FUNCTIONING OR OTHERWISE  
CG: A LITERAL JELLYFISH.  
TG: did you want me to get to the point or what  
CG: PLEASE DON’T LET MY AWESTRUCK SHOCK KNOCK YOU OFF TRACK.  
CG: PLEASE, CONTINUE.   
TG: okay right   
TG: so  
TG: like  
TG: were both knights  
TG: and thats a class thing and everyone has one   
TG: and according to rose different classes mean different things and were assigned to them depending on our personality or whatever  
TG: and your class decides what you do with your aspect  
TG: and your aspect apparently has to do with your personality as well  
TG: but time is about fighting and not being passive and stuff  
TG: and i guess so is the knight class  
TG: but i dont want to fight  
TG: so   
TG: just like, what if i got the wrong aspect you know?   
CG: DIDN'T YOU COLLECT CORPSES AND FOSSILS OF DECEASED ANIMALS? I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.   
CG: BESIDES KANAYA THINKS THAT OUR ASPECTS ARE MEANT TO CHALLENGE US.   
CG: LIKE, WE HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO UNDERSTAND THEM AND ON SOME LEVEL WE LIKE, VIBE OR WHATEVER BUT ULTIMATELY OUR ASPECT IS SUPPOSED TO HELP US "GROW" OR SOME HOOFBEAST SHIT.   
CG: I WOULDN'T KNOW. MY ASPECT DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY FUCKING POWERS.   
CG: UNLESS YOU COUNT THE ABILITY TO KEEP 11 TEENS IN CHECK, AT LEAST A FEW OF WHICH ARE GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED TO PSYCHOPATHIC FITS OF RAGE MURDER AND SENSELESS KILLING.   
CG: OH WAIT.   
CG: I DIDN'T ***GET*** THAT FUCKING ABILITY.   
TG: should i get your moirail or...   
CG: ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOUR PROBLEM ABOUT ME, BUT NO.   
CG: I THINK YOUR ASPECT SUITS YOU JUST FINE.   
TG: karkat apologised?   
TG: i didnt realise he was capable of bending ass backwards like that  
TG: bitch be bending so far his hands touch the back of his heels  
TG: shit just keeps bending   
TG: man I didnt think you could even touch your toes without bending your knees   
TG: dear god how have your arms not been ripped from your shoulders   
TG: how are you still intact  
TG: what other feats of impossible flexibility have you been hiding from me  
TG: i thought we were friends karkat  
TG: i didnt think i was friends with a fucking contortionist  
TG: can you fit in a box?  
TG: oh my god youre probably liquid  
TG: a literal fucking cat  
TG: all the pieces are coming together  
TG: is this what its like to be blessed  
TG: i have to meme about this karkat  
TG: wasting such a golden opportunity would result in dire consequences  
TG: i could be thrown in meme jail  
TG: im too young to go to jail  
TG: shit wrecks you man  
TG: ill need a therapist to handle my shit and get me reintegrated with society after my life sentence  
TG: rose will offer but her therapy will probably leave me even more socially inept  
TG: is this my life now Karkat  
TG: living as a recluse inside my own home, unable to leave in fear of human interaction and/or for being thrown back in jail for my inability to communicate using memes  
TG: is that what you want for me Karkat?  
TG: to live as a hermit?  
TG: wait is that offensive since you were raised by a literal crab CG: YOUR MOUTH IS A GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING STRIDER.   
TG: ew dont come on to me man i dont know how to communicate remember   
TG: wed probably end up just staring blankly at each other with a bunch of vague gesturing finger guns and winking over a delicious dish of French fries and apple juice.   
CG: NO. GODDAMN. I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU JUST.   
CG: STOP TYPING FOR ONE ***FUCKING**** SECOND YOU NOOKWHIFFING ASSHOLE, SO I CAN *THINK*  
TG: but like in all seriousness   
TG: thanks   
CG: I REALLY WANT TO THROW THE WHOLE "BENDING ASSBACKWARDS" ALLEGORY BACK AT YOU, BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO BE THE BIGGER MAN.  
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME.  
ASSWIPE.   
TG: wow real big man you are there.   
TG: surprised you didnt choke on how big a bitter pill that was to swallow   
TG: but between us   
TG: i think we both know who the bigger man is B)   
\-- turntechGodhead  [TG]  is now an idle chum! --  
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!   
CG: JUST SO YOU KNOW I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.   
CG: THERE WILL BE WORDS MISTER.   
CG: BIG, FANCIFUL, HARD-TO-COMPREHEND WORDS.   
CG: GOODBYE ASSHOLE.   
\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  stopped trolling turntechGodhead  [TG]  \--


End file.
